Yeah yeah, I know. Hellboy ? WTF ? Still, the movie actually wasn't too bad. It was sort of like a self-spoof, a la Fifth Element. The movie didn't take itself too seriously, and that saved it from the dismal fate of utter disasters such as Underworld. Well, the movie is probably not 100% faithful to the comics, but I haven't read the comics, so I don't care. Bottom line, this movie is not bad, and I'd actually recommend it (especially if you're bored and geeky).
As it turns out, there's also a Hellboy RPG. Just like the movie, it's not bad: the GURPS-based character generation system is quick and easy, the writing is punchy, and the art is nice and clean. There's only one problem with the RPG: it's pure cheese.
Here's an approximate transcript of the character creation process. It is not, by any means, complete -- my memory is fuzzy, and I sort of passed out in the middle from all the laughing.
Player 1: So, is there an Improved Climb power of some sort, or isn't there ?(later)
GM: I'm looking, I'm sure I saw it... Hmm, what's this ? Telekinesis ?
Player 2: What's that ?
GM: *reads* Hmm, let's see, it costs 4 points/level, says here it lets you move objects with your mind (duh).
Player 1: Huh. So, I have the standard 100 points, so let's say I get level 15, what can I do with that ?
GM: *reads* Lift 250 lbs, move it at 500 mph.
Player 2: *stunned silence*
Player 1: Screw improved climbing, I'm getting that.
GM: *reads* Hm. It says here that, for one more point, you can get cryo- and pyro- kinesis.
Player 1: Cool. BTW, can I lift myself with TK ?
GM: *reads* Yes.
Player 2: WHAT !
GM: *getting alarmed*Well, that's what it says.
Player 2: So. Let me get this straight. While I get to spend Fatigue to lockpick a door, he gets to FLY ?
Player 1: How much damage does Pyrokinesis do at lvl 15 ?
GM: *reads* 5d6.
Player 2: "Oh no ! Your shapeshifting is too powerful ! Let's limit it; it takes a week now ! Meanwhile, let's give your friend the power to RAIN SEARING FIRE FROM THE SKY !"
Player 1: Nah, I'll probably just focus on TK.
GM: Wait wait there has to be some limitation... Let's see... "same limitations as electrokinesis" ? *reads frantically*
Player 2: There's ELECTRO-kinesis, too ?
Player 1: Forget that. With TK, if I ever need money, I could gamble. What's that ? 6 black ? What a coincidence, I win again !
Player 2: ...And when the security comes and says, "sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave", they're roof pie. At 500 miles an hour.
GM: I got it I got it ! *reads triumphantly* "When affecting objects seen on live video, you suffer a -3 penalty on your roll".
Player 1: Live... Video ?
Player 2: Oh... My... GOD !
GM: No no wait this can't be right...
Player 1: I don't even need to go anywhere ! There're security cameras everywhere !
Player 2: Not to mention military spy satellites.
GM: No no wait this can't be right...
Player 1: I'll just sit in my BPRD bunker. What's that ? The team is in trouble ? *BAM !* I hit the enemies with a truck through a webcam.
GM: Aha ! It says here you can only affect one target at a time.
Player 1: Ok, so I pick up an enemy and throw him into his buddies. *SMACK*. How hard can it be ?
GM: *can't help himself* Actually, for simple effects, it says here it's automatic.
Player 2: So. I get to fail the roll to draw my weapon. And he gets to LEVEL ENTIRE CITIES FOR FREE ?
GM: *reads* Ah, I got it. He has to spend Fatigue. Oh no, wait, that's only when he's supercharging it.
Player 1, Player 2 (together): SUPER-charging ?
GM: Er...
Player 2: With that kind of power, you could do virtually anything, from your BPRD bunker. Aiiiieee !
Player 1: Hey wait a minute. That's right ! I don't really need to go anywhere. My body could be completely atrophied. So, this means...
Player 1, Player 2 (together): Brain-in-a-jar !
GM: Guys, no no no...
Player 1: Let's see, I'd have to drop all my attributes down to 1, seeing as I don't have ST or DX. Obviously my IQ will be 18, so that means I've still got... 180 extra points ?
Player 2: That could buy you a lot of TK.
Player 1: Ooh ! And skills !
Player 2: Even though they all default to like 20, what with your 50 IQ and all ?
GM: You can't be a brain in a jar !...
Player 1: Sure I can. See, it has them right here in the picture. The Nazis made a bunch of them.
GM: You can't be a Nazi brain in a jar !...
Player 1: But I'm a good brain.
Player 2: Maybe he escaped from the Nazis ?
Player 1: Yeah ! I saw how bad the Nazis were, and defected to BPRD.
GM: What ? And how did you do that ?
Player 2: I am guessing he just flew away.
GM: They would have had him locked in a steel cage !
Player 1: *BAM* ! At TK level 20, it's 1000 lbs at 750 mph. What cage ?
GM: *hangs his head on the verge of tears*
Player 1: Hey, I'm a brain, right ? In a jar ? And I have all these cameras, but BPRD doesn't have missions all the time...
Player 2: Wouldn't you get bored ?
Player 1: Nah, I have the Intenet.
Player 2: Yeah that's what I thought.
GM: *desperate*You'd still have to roll for complex things ! Like (*reads*) moving air ! Er...
Player 1: I can move AIR ?
Player 2: Yeah, you could vibrate it to talk from out of nowhere.
Player 1: Yeah, and with the Internet, I could become an uber-hacker ! IQ 20, Computer Programming 20... I'd hack anything ! And I'd chat on IRC when I'd feel the need for human contact. I'd be famous ! Hmm, what would my hacker handle be ? Braniac ? Dr. Smart ?
Player 2: Well, you're German, right ?
Player 1: Yeah ?
Player 2: How about Herr Brain ?
Player 1: Hare-brain ?
Player 2: H-e-r-r Brain.
GM: *cries*
GM: No, no, no, and again no ! With these kinds of powers, you'd be like a god !(much later)
Player 1: Hey, that's right ! I could have groupies !
Player 2: Or a cult. You could get a cult to worship you.
GM: What are you doing ? Don't give him more power !!!
Player 1: Yeah, they'd hand out free cellphones to everyone ! You know, those nifty little camera-phones ?
Player 2: You'd be everywhere.
GM: *cries*
Player 2: Hey... You can TK through cameras, right ?Posted by metabug at 2004/05/16 18:49 | TrackBack (221) | Categories: Games , Movies
Player 1: Yeah ?
Player 2: Holy... mother... of...
Player 1: What ?
Player 2: The Hubble !
Player 1: Sw33t ! Intergalactic empire !
GM: *cries*
BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!
Just when I started to not miss gaming, you go and post something like this. Boy I miss those days.
As far as the movie goes, though, it stayed true to the comic books. While the movie may not have seemed to take itself seriously, you could tell that cast and crew took the task seriously. I was also impressed by Ron Pearlman. I feared he was being typecast for it, and as such Hellboy would have been too cerebral. Thankfully, he must have read the comics or something, because he was spot on.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Posted by: Jason at 2004/05/16 21:17The game was designed to be played by morons. When you have two intelligent players that understand how the world works, it gets tougher for the GM to compensate. Luckily, I know that overconfidence is a pitfall for both of you.
Posted by: Tony at 2004/05/17 15:22Overconfidence is only a weakness when it is not justified.
Posted by: Bugmaster at 2004/05/17 15:47Tony, the behavior described by Bug in this post is indiciative of "Dave Baker" and his ilk (except for the hubble part). I think we can both agree that Dave is not intelligent. BJ probably would have done something similar, but he was more of a munchkin than a moron.
Posted by: Jason at 2004/05/18 04:21Bug,
Overconfidence is only a weakness when it is not justified.
Your native language is Russian, you more than any of us should understand the concept of prefixes. In this case, "over-"
Posted by: owen at 2004/05/22 02:18I know. I was trying to make a play on words. Apparently, it was too subtle or something... Which is inappropriate, really, seeing as there's nothing subtle about Herr Brain.
Posted by: Bugmaster at 2004/05/22 04:37Ummm...I got it.
Posted by: Jason at 2004/05/22 06:10It's only a cute, subtle play on words insofar as "Mortally wounding yourself is only bad when it's mortal," is the same. I simply expect better of you :-)
Posted by: owen at 2004/05/22 06:28I guess it was too subtle for you, after all.
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