I read this Salon article titled Abridged Too Far (ad-supported link, sacrifice of firstborn required), and it made me sad, as usual. The article talks about The Wind in the Willows, and how the "adapted" version utterly destroys everything that the original book stood for. The reasoning for this adaptation are fairly clear:
There's another force to be reckoned with in this process, and that is the Walt Disney Co.To my shame, I have never actually read The Wind in the Willows -- and, by now, I probably never will. The resulting depression made me think of some other books which have been wiped out forever from our collective consciousness, replaced by empty, saccharine movie clones. This list is by no means complete; I'll probably update it from time to time as I think of more things.
If the Great Illustrated Classic of "The Wind in the Willows" is actually faithful to anything, that would be the many animated versions that have spun off from Grahame's book over the years. When Disney ate Milne's treasure, the evidence was everywhere. There are the trademark cartoon figures; there is the text that retells the popular cartoon more than Milne's stories...
But the Disneyfication of "The Wind in the Willows" is more insidious. Because, as Evil Clones are wont to do, Disney's Toad has gone back to wipe out the original, replace it with himself and cover his tracks. Only those who know to poke around will discern the plunder, and by that time the real treasure may be long gone.
Here they are, in no particular order:
The Wind in the Willows, written by Kenneth Grahame, illustrated by Ernest H. Shepard (the original illustrator of A.A.Milne's stories): This book is, according to many, a vibrant classic of children's literature. I wouldn't know, because I've never read it. I tried looking for the book on Amazon, but could find only this: "If you ever feel like falling into a beautiful comic-book story--in the same way one falls back into a warm field of grass--reach for Michel Plessix's lush adaptation of Kenneth Grahame's Wind in the Willows." No thanks Amazon, I want the real thing, I don't care how lush your adaptation is. If anyone knows the ISBN of the real book, please let me know.
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep ?, by Philip K. Dick: This is the book that Blade Runner was based on. I confess: this is one of these rare cases where I prefer the movie and not the book (go ahead, lynch me now). Philip K. Dick always was a bit hit-or-miss for me; this particular book happens to be rambling and occasionally boring -- though I will readily admit that the book is much more deep and detailed than the movie. In any case, the fact remains: now that the movie is out, the book is forgotten.
Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury: Ray Bradbury's Martian Chronicles (and especially There Will Come Soft Rains) literally gave me nightmares when I was little -- for about a couple of weeks straight. Fortunately, I was too young to really understand Fahrenheit 451, because if I did, I would still have nightmares to this day. Fortunately, the biting political satire about a world where literacy is seen as a dangerous symptom of a mental disease of the worst sort -- freedom of thought -- went right over my little head. Well, that, and I was distracted by the seemingly happy ending. I am afraid to re-read this book now, because Bradbury's vision has been partially implemented (reality television, anyone ?) already. The old movie wasn't too bad, but it doesn't really have the same effect on me. And of course, the new movie -- Equilibrium -- is just an empty ripoff, which replaces thought with gun-fu and lots of kicking (no wonder they didn't credit Bradbury anywhere). All of which probably doesn't matter, since Fahrenheit 451 is required reading in many public schools, which ensures that virtually no one will ever read anything but the CliffNotes for it.
I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov: This is your last chance to read this wonderful book, a set of short stories which are sort of a cross between mystery, philosophy, and social commentary, bound together with logic puzzles and humor. The new movie is basically Evil Dead, but with scary robots instead of scary zombies, and Will Smith instead of... well... anything. Another pillar of science fiction has finally sunk beneath the muck.
The Positronic Man, by Isaac Asimov: And speaking of Asimov... This book is the novel-length version of Asimov's own short story Bicentennial Man. The book is and oddly lyrical (oddly for Asimov, that is) explaration of what it means -- for better and for worse -- to be human. The movie just features robotic non-acting by that freak Robin Williams. It has displaced the original book so completely that even the cover for the new edition is just a poster for the movie. It's over.
Mary Poppins series, by Pamela L. Travers : Disney's corrupting touch is so powerful that the overwhelming majority of people today can't help but snicker sarcastically when they hear the title of this book. The warped mockery of a musical that Disney's marketing machine generated (and spread like a plague) has eradicated the original book to the point where actually reading it is unthinkable. Disney was assisted in their task by the Classic Abridgers TM who cut the lyrical language of the book to something that even a brain-damaged chimp could understand. I was fortunate enough to read the unabridged book in Russian translation when I was little; sadly, I cannot guarantee that what I linked to is the real deal. Which is a shame, because the actual book is a complete opposite of Disney's saccharine fare: it is surreal, complex, and occasionally very dark. It's like something Neil Gainman would write if he wrote children's stories at the eve of the century.
Winnie-The-Pooh, by A.A. Milne: Disney. Abridged Editions. 'nuff said.
The Wizard of Oz, by L. Frank Baum: I used to really hate this book, until I realized that what I'd read was the brain-damaged abridged edition. I picked up two more editions at the library, both of which were similarly crippled (but by different people). Then I just gave up; I don't even know if the book I linked to is the real deal. Fortunately, I've read The Wizard of the Emerald City by Volkov, a Russian author who rewrote Baum's book from the ground up, making it actually good in the process. If you can read Russian, I highly recommend it -- that is, of course, unless the hideous musical has already destroyed your capacity to feel joy.
2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke: This was one of my least favorite Clarke's books, but it still wasn't too bad. Kubrick's movie was very long, very boring, and featured lots of monkeys. Boring monkeys that dance to classical music for some reason. It was only two hours long, bit it felt like millenia. Well, maybe that's the epic feeling he was going for, I don't know. Nonetheless, the actual book is completely forgotten by now.
Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien: The fact that most people liked the movie trilogy is supporting evidence for the fact that virtually no one has actually read the book -- even before the movies were released. Come to think of it, I have met only one person here who has read the books at all. The movies only sealed the fate of the actual trilogy; it was doomed from the outset by the entire genre of schlock fantasy novels that spawned from it, and of course by D&D, which reduced Tolkien's living, breathing world to a handful of dice. Now, granted, LotR is not everyone's cup of tea; it relies heavily on mood and language, and less on action. Still, I have a feeling that if it weren't for the incompetent fantasy spinoffs, the dice, and the movies, more people might have at least attempted to read the books. Unfortunately, we don't live in Bugmaster-land, we live in our world -- and, in our world, Tolkien's original trilogy is long gone.
Harry Potter, by J.K. Rowling: Peter Jackson didn't pioneer his "visual CliffNotes of abridged edition" approach to bastardising books; he just "borrowed" it from Chris Columbus. To be fair, Rowling's books were (apparently) intended to be a franchise from the very beginning, so it makes sense to have all the McDonald's toys, coloring books, and Hollywood movies. Still, I think that they could at least have made some sort of an effort. Unfortunately, they didn't, and thus fancy CGI, mis-cast characters, and the "hummingbird with ADD" editing have forever replaced the smart, alive, and human (for lack of a better work) book that Rowling originally wrote. Rowling's books can be enjoyed equally by children (because of all the magic and action) and adults (because of the character developments and complex themes of prejudice, betrayal, fanaticism, friendship, and of course political satire). The movies, however, can be enjoyed by the sales team, and that's the only thing that counts in the end.
The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe: I loved the original poem, and I loved the unofficial Russian translation which stays true to the spirit of the poem, unlike the official translation that merely stays true to the letter. I also loved the hillarious Simpsons Episode. Oh, and I also stole the title of this post from it. Unfortunately, The Raven is required reading in school -- which, as usual, means that no one will actually ever read it. Well, at least there isn't a Disney version -- yet.
Ok, this is obviously just a tip of the iceberg, but I'm already so sick of it that I want to punch someone (preferably Michael Eisner). Maybe I'll expand this post later on. But, if you think about it, we already live in the world of Fahrenheit 451 -- reality TV is in, literacy is out. Why read the book ? Just wait for the movie. It's going to have way better special effects anyway, right ?
Posted by metabug at 2004/03/30 23:17 | TrackBack (131) | Categories: Articles , BooksI liked the Farenheit 451 movie. Especially the opening credits (very clever). Both the book and Martian Chronicles almost made me cry (mostly Martian Chronicles).
Wind in the Willows you couldn't find since I was 2. So that's no big surprise that you can't find it.
And despite your rampant misspellings (probably due to your incoherent rage), you've given me some things to read.
Posted by: Jason at 2004/03/31 05:47Well, yeah, the rage was a factor, plus I was half asleep when writing this. But if you point out any actual misspellings, I'll fix them.
Posted by: Bugmaster at 2004/03/31 14:55ISBN 0-679-41802-4
Kenneth Grahame
The Wind in the Willows
with illustrations by Arthur Rackham
Childrens's Classics
Everyman's Library
Alfred A. Knopf 1993.
This is the _real_ deal.
Classic binding, not too expensive, my kids loved it.
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