Currently, my life is on another downswing.
The guy that I met a few weeks ago in WeHo hasn't bothered to call me back at all. Perhaps our schedules were too off to even make time for one another - though I definitely made time to at least call him and let him know what was going on. I even let him know what times would be good to at least see each other for a little bit.
I've given him plenty of opportunities and made myself available to go out though, so I know that the fault clearly rests from his side of things. I'm still a little bothered, but it's not a tragedy. I mean, he's stood me up and offered up nothing but silence. This is a very good indication that he isn't interested anymore. Oh well, definintely his loss.
To top things off, I'm on the graveyard shift again at work. After being on the shift for ten straight weeks in a row this year, I demanded that I not be in graves again unless it was absolutely imperative. My supervisor gave me that "you're the only one qualified for this stuff. Is it ok if you're on graves again"? spiel, so I took up the burden once again.
What does someone say to that? I could have flat out said "Hell no.", but I do value my job and I understand that I am, in fact, one of the very few qualified for the procedures needed. Still, that doesn't mean that I have to like it.
So, I'm still significant otherless, and I'm stuck on a crappy shift. You know, there is this really attractive bartender/waiter at a local restaurant that I've been wanting to ask out. Trouble is, I don't know for sure if he plays for my team. Last time I had gone there, we smiled at one another numerous times - as even observed and voiced by co-workers. I really want to ask him out, but I should wait until this stupid shift is over.
Most of you probably don't know who I'm talking about, but Owen and Stas have seen him. Owen thought that he was "too pretty". Stas just gave me his typical "you're stupid and we all know it." look.
His image, so clear
a reflection of my dream
pure as falling snow
His words fall as rain
Upon my ears, drops of thought
I feel once again
His eyes, like winter
Ice blue - yet warm like summer
I melt as snow thaws
I'm not sure if everyone knows, but I've met someone.
It all started last Thursday (August 5th). I was invited to an after work get together with my company's gay and lesbian diversity group. The HR guy was going to introduce me to someone as well, in hopes of our getting along in a more than just friends capacity. The other person didn't know that I was going to be there, so it was a sort of half-blind meeting.
In any case, he was a no-show. It didn't matter to me much, as I neither had my hopes up nor was I expecting anything but nice conversation. However, another individual had shown up - one that I had spoken to previously that I was told liked me more than he was ready to admit. We talked and got to know each other more, but that spark so essential during converation wasn't there for me. I couln't help that, though I did give him my undivided attention during the evening. At the end of the night, the remaining group members decided that they all wanted to go to WeHo the following night for a little fun. I was reluctant, but eventually I agreed to go.
The next night (August 6th), the HR guy and myself drove to WeHo and met another friend of ours there. We were informed that the folks from the previous night were not going to be able to meet up with us at all. So it was HR guy, our friend, and myself. After a while, our mutual friend got tired, and we walked her back to her car. After that, HR guy and I went dancing at a bar/club called Mickey's. I got really thirsty on the dance floor, and asked him if he wanted to get some water. He nodded, and we proceeded to the bar.
As we were heading to the bar, he saw someone that he knew near the patio area. He turned to me and said that he would be right back; he just wanted to say hi to an old acquaintance. I don't know why, but I followed him. He turned around and motioned me to this acquaintance. He introduced us, and when I looked into his eyes to say, "Nice to meet you." and exchange our names, something sparked inside of me.
He was different from anyone that I had met before. But I couldn't explain how or why just yet. He asked me why I wasn't dancing up on the nearby table where some more-than-half-naked man was dancing by himself. I shied away, and told him that I wasn't like that and that I couldn't and wouldn't do anything like that. "You're hot enough to." He said in response. I was shocked.
I couldn't believe what he had said. I had liked him before we even said our names to one another, and now he's telling me that he thinks I'm attractive? No way. This wasn't happening. Not to me. I asked him if he wanted some water and he said that he'd love some, so I went up to the bar and right before I ordered, he was right next to me.
"I thought you could use some company at the bar." He said.
"Uh. Thanks." I turned to him and stepped on his foot (he was wearing flip-flops and I had my boots on). I saw him wince, but he didn't say anything.
"That'll be nine bucks." The bartender said gruffly as he put the water bottles on the bar.
I opened my wallet to reveal only seven. Damn. I handed the bartender my debit card.
"We don't take ATM cards." Is all he said.
"I got this one." My companion at the bar said, as he pulled out his alligator skin wallet and threw down a ten.
"You don't have to..." I trailed off as he smiled at me.
"At least take this five." I handed him a five dollar bill, but he pushed it back against my chest.
"Keep it." he said.
With the water paid, I gave a bottle to HR guy, one to my new acquaintance, and opened one for myself. We took a spot at a table without any chairs to talk alone.
As we started talking, he accidentally spit on my face.
"Oops. Sorry about that." He said with a smile.
Yeah, it was gross, but I didn't want to embarass him. "That's ok".
He lifted up his hand and rubbed the side of my face. I was embarassed more than he was.
"Nice." He said. Though I had no idea what he was talking about.
So we asked one another about work, age, and other basic conversation information. I found out that he lived and worked locally (around where I live and work, oddly enough). HR guy came over and told me that some of our friends (the ones that flaked on us eariler that night) had arrived and I should say hi. I turned to my new acquaintance and asked him what he was doing for the weekend, and he said that he had no plans. I had asked for his number, but I didn't have my cell phone on me. Instead, he flipped out his and took my number down. I asked if he wanted to do something the next day, like lunch.
"Sure." He said with an easy smile. "What time should I call you"?
"Ten".
"Will you remember me when I call you"?
"Of course I will".
With that, we parted. HR guy and the newly arrived friends started to tease me a little bit, but I was ok with it. I was shocked that someone that I liked actually liked me back.
When I got home, it was around 3AM. My phone said that it had a new message on it. When I dialed in to check, it was my new acquaintance.
"I know it's not ten, but I wanted to call to say that it was nice meeting you and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow".
I didn't mind that his call was eight hours early. In fact, I was actually happy with that fact.
We had lunch the next day, as planned. I found that the more that I talked to him, the more that I liked him. However, we don't have a whole lot in common. I guess that's ok - it definitely makes him all the more interesting. After lunch, we went to Borders. We walked around for a bit, got some magazines and CDs, and eventually parted.
I don't know where it will all go, but I do know one thing - I like him. That's all that matters for the time being, right?
Managing the ups and downs that plague both personal and professional lives can be quite taxing. It seems as though I have a problem with my life both inside and outside of work bleeding into one another.
It's not like I don't go to some lengths to keep them seperate, but when you think about it, the two are inexorably intertwined into a kind of convoluted misshapen web. I find myself edgy and easily agitated at home when I'm neither angry nor frustrated with my roommates or pets. I also find that I can snap and can treat people badly at work - and they aren't my parents nor the source of any personal anguish.
I have issues. I need to resolve them but I don't know where to start. I mean, some people crack under the pressure and stress that life can bring - but not me. I never have and I won't allow myself to give under the weight. But I feel it. Part of taking care of things is acknowledging that they exist and doing what we can to make things better.
You know, I've never been particularly religious, but I do believe that we are given only what we can handle. We learn and grow from everything that we experience and its always been a small comfort to know that things have always gotten better. It's just another storm on the sea of life, right?
I need to make resolutions and have some goals. I can't sit around and just exist like I wanted to. Life may be a journey, but it's nice to have waypoints that you chart and reach.