Arctic Razor: The Silent Assailant

November 04, 2004

The Silent Assailant

You know what really bugs me?

Spiders. That's right. Don't you hate it when you're lying in bed, trying to get some sleep, and you see something that's dark with eight legs clinging calmly to the ceiling above your bed?

You look at it thinking to yourself, "It's just a little spider. It'll go away." And then you close your eyes. You get this uneasy feeling and open them again, only to see the eight-legged thing has moved even closer to you.

Then, you start making little silent deals with the creature, "Look, just skitter the other way, and let me sleep. You can live, and I can sleep. Please don't bite me and inject your horrible spider venom while I rest. Live and let live."

Deluding yourself that you're satisfied, you close your eyes again. Then you get this creeping feeling. When you open your eyes once more, the thing has gotten even closer, most likely directly above your head. You didn't actually see it move, but it did. That means that it knows exactly when you shut your eyes, and it's just waiting to sink its eager fangs into your flesh when you finally dose off.

Fear turning to anger, you get fed up, then turn on the light. You go to grab something, anything, to kill it with - a tissue, the plunger, whatever is available. You know that the only way you can possibly sleep at this point is to ensure its death. When you finally confront the creature while standing on your bed, arm outstretched to smash it, it bungee jumps at the last second with invisible silken thread down to your bed. You see that you missed, and you know that it's now somewhere on your covers, hidden from your eyes.

Anger turns back to fear - the venemous thing has now infiltrated your bed, and you know it wants to GET you. What do you do? You call for reinforcements.

With a quick call, both cats enter the room. You shut the door and throw both of the furry purring things on your bed. They look at you absently, then lay down and start to groom themselves. They don't comprehend the importance of your battle, and you resolve to dig through the comforter yourself to root out the offending arachnid.

With a little luck, you manage to absently smash it with the palm of your hand, leaving nothing so much as a little smear of what was once your enemy. Then you kick the felines off of your bed and fall into a restless slumber. You fear that the thing may come back with its own reinforcements, the kind that will bite you while you sleep.

Posted by Tony at November 4, 2004 10:38 PM | TrackBack

Comments

Reminds me of Neil Gaiman's poem from Coraline:

We are small but we are many,
We are many we are small.
We were here before you rose,
We will be here when you fall.

Of course, the original doesn't refer to safe, harmless spiders. Oh no. Not spiders at all.

Posted by: Bugmaster at November 5, 2004 01:24 AM

I hate spiders.

Posted by: Tony at November 5, 2004 09:26 AM

Coraline...I still haven't read it. It's been on my bookshelf for over a year. I'm so ashamed!

I guess I'll get to it sooner or later.

So, Tony. You didn't like Arachnaphobia? :-)

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